5 Reasons why Reliving & Retelling your Painful Memories Keeps you Stuck (and my beef with Santa Clause)

Join me as I share my personal story of overcoming PTSD through unconventional methods (after trying traditional therapy for over a decade).

By tapping into the science of neuroplasticity, we uncover how our brains often trap us in patterns of negative thinking. Discover how updating your unconscious mind can shift you from a state of constant fight-or-flight to a place of neutrality, paving the way for genuine healing and growth beyond mere survival.

I open up about navigating significant life changes and how, by embracing deep unconscious work, this path led not only to professional success but also fortified my relationships with my children and inner clarity.

Oh and let's not forget my short rant about Saunta Clause... ;-)

Resources mentioned:

Clean BDE
Rewiring Motherhood
Unveiled: The Membership
Light it UP! 

Chapters

• 0:05 Rewiring the Mind for Healing
• 13:14 Unconscious Mind Reprogramming and Healing

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:05

Welcome to Unveiled the podcast. I'm your host, angela Christian, and I help you with unveiling your true self by peeling away the layers that society placed on you. I do this with a combination of neuroscience, energetics and ancient spiritual wisdom. I went from underpaid and overworked in corporate America to launching a six-figure company that continues to grow. I went from toxic relationships to being happy and single for over a year as I worked and continue to work on becoming the best version of myself, and so much more. My greatest passion is to help women and mothers heal, transform and become the highest versions of themselves. Heal, transform and become the highest versions of themselves. As I continue to grow and expand my intuitive knowledge and unique wisdom, I'll be including you on my journey to millions, so let's get into it.

Speaker 2: 0:58

Hello, good morning. Welcome back to Unveiled. Today we are going to talk about why reliving the past isn't healing and how rewiring the mind is the fastest way to actually heal and transform. I go over this in more depth and actually do the reprogramming for you inside of my Clean BDE program, which is my signature program for mothers who are looking to heal and neutralize the toxic emotional pain from their co-parents from prior relationships. All of that. I also pulled out some of these very transformative audios and put them into rewiring. I'll link both programs in the show notes in case you are interested. Rewiring is $44 right now. January 1st, it's going up to $111. So if that's something that has been on your mind, definitely hop in.

Speaker 2: 1:52

So let's get into it when we repeat the same story over and over again, which is you know what we were taught to do in traditional therapy. So I sat in therapy with an amazing therapist. I'm not knocking therapists at all Like they fully believe they're helping people or most of them, I should say, not all of them. I truly believe the therapist I had was trying to help me. I've actually had two wonderful traditional therapists, but I would come back to her office every week and just kind of rehash the same things. I was having PTSD, traumatic flashbacks of being physically abused, abused in all ways, but the physical abuse was the one that was really taking over my mind, especially in the middle of the night. It kept popping up. So I was going to her office and explaining these same situations over and over again without feeling any better. In fact, I would leave her office and feel worse and I would spiral and I would party and I would do all the things to like numb it out, which didn't make it any better. It like made it way worse, right? So that's one piece of it, but I'm also going to explain to you five ways this actually holds us back from healing. So this is a new way of thinking that I'm offering to you, and I don't think you would be listening to my podcast if you weren't open to new ways of thinking, right, because I definitely am unconventional in many ways. So if you're here, you're open-minded, I love that. So, yes, if you're here, you're open-minded, I love that. So, yes, here's how it works.

Speaker 2: 3:26

One we're going to talk about neuroplasticity. So the brain is constantly rewiring itself based on the repeated thoughts we have, our emotions, our behaviors. This process is called neuroplasticity and it means the more that you replay a story, the stronger and more automatic those neural connections become, and so, just like someone might take the same path on a walk right, your brain automatically defaults to these habitual thought patterns, even if and they're not helpful right, it just feels familiar and safe, even if it's not serving your growth, which it's not okay. So that's one piece of it. It also creates emotional re-triggering. So each time I would go into my therapist's office and I would tell her the story you know that I won't, I go into all of these stories in my CleanDDE program. They're a little triggering, so I'm not going to share exactly what happened, but each time we recount the story and what happened, it actually reactivates the emotional centers of the brain, such as the amygdala. So this re-triggering floods the body with stress hormones like cortisol, which we all know is not the vibe right, and it keeps us in a heightened state of fight or flight. And this just makes it feel like we're in a constant trauma state because we are, and so we're not tapping into our higher levels of wisdom, of intuition, of knowledge, of logic, because we are stuck in fight or flight. Our unconscious mind is keeping us stuck in a survival state because it thinks that it's happening, now, about to happen or just happened. And that gets me into the next point. So it strengthens what I would call a pain pathway, right? So the unconscious mind doesn't understand time, it doesn't understand logic. You can't just tell your unconscious mind oh, that happened 10 years ago, stop thinking about it. Like that is not going to do the trick.

Speaker 2: 5:29

And that's why traditional therapy did not work for me and it didn't work for a lot of my clients. A lot of my clients came to me after they've tried all the things. They've tried the traditional therapy, they've tried the EFT tapping and I'm not knocking any of these. They just didn't work for me, right? So they've tried a lot of different things. They come to me and they're like neutralized. They leave neutralized, not traumatized. So what I do for my clients is I update their unconscious mind that they're no longer in that traumatic state so they can essentially like put down their fists Right, and then our body also will start healing at a deeper level.

Speaker 2: 6:07

Because when we're in a state of fight or flight, like just think of the bunny running through the forest like it's being chased by a fox. It is just narrow, focused on survival. It's running straight ahead. It does not notice all of the carrots on the right, it doesn't notice the little sunny patch of grass to go lay on right. It is just focused on surviving. So when we're just focused on surviving, our automatic healing systems take a back seat. And that's why a lot of people who are stuck in fight or flight experience digestive issues, hormonal imbalances, all of that it's because all of our body's energy is going to survive even though there's no immediate threat.

Speaker 2: 6:48

Right, for some people, maybe they're still in the relationship and there is an immediate threat. But for other people, like me, at this time I was out of the relationship, there was no more actual threat, but my unconscious mind didn't get the memo, so it was still thinking that I had to fight for my life, right? So looking back, I could say, gosh, I wasted a lot of time, money. Why did I do that? But I don't, because you know what I had to go through, that I had to really try for 10 years. That's a long time. That's not just like oh, I tried traditional therapy for a year, it didn't work. I tried for over 10 years. It wasn't, until I was introduced to unconscious reprogramming and nervous system regulation that I started really understanding and that's when I had true healing.

Speaker 2: 7:37

And now I see the people who have, you know, I've experienced abuse with and I'll hug them in the store Like I'm not saying everybody has to get to that point, but for me I see that's where energetics comes into play. I see the higher perspective I actually see. One of them was actually a soulmate of mine and we had this soul contract where we agreed he would do this to me and that's what would propel me on this path. And that gives me chills, even when I say it, because you know what I would have been like you're insane if anybody had told me that before. But it's the truth and I can see him. I have love for him. Obviously it's not okay what he did to me and he's apologized for it. He's in a much better like healed state and he's apologized for it. He's in a much better like healed state.

Speaker 2: 8:27

But if I hadn't gone through that, I wouldn't be able to help moms go through similar things. And that is what I'm here to do, right. I'm here to help heal efficiently. I'm all about efficiency. So, moving on to the next point here there's something called cognitive bias. So when we replay the same story, like seeing ourselves as victims or just always blaming people, right, right, these biases shape how we perceive new experiences. So then we'll filter new experiences through the lens of our past pain, which can prevent us from seeing opportunities for growth and healing. So I'll give you an example.

Speaker 2: 9:06

So there's a lot of words I like to share that I went from victim to survivor to creator. That is very much what happened to me. Yes, I was a victim of domestic violence. I was a survivor because I left right. Then I healed and I became a creator of my own life.

Speaker 2: 9:24

A lot of people get stuck in the victim in that first area of victimhood, right and I'm not saying that person isn't a victim, but it's a choice to stay there or to become a survivor or to become a creator. Right, I stayed in the victimhood space for a very, very long time, like most of my adult life. I blamed my parents for all of these things. I blamed this person for that, this person for that. I mean it was crazy. And I have an ex who does the same thing. He blames everybody but himself. It's everybody. You know, he's been through a lot of women. One of them I actually am friends with, and she and I just went on this amazing trip together with our daughters. It's a whole different story, but she and I did not like each other at first I mean that's even putting it mildly. But then, once I got out of the relationship, I realized there was just a lot of lies, a lot of blame, and she and I formed a really nice friendship so that our kids can stay connected. So I would have never been able to do that if I hadn't healed myself right.

Speaker 2: 10:28

So when we stay in that blame, it prevents you from moving forward, from being your creator self, because we are all little mini sources we are here to create. But we have to first take radical responsibility of our lives. And so again, it comes back to the unconscious reprogramming, because our logical mind only controls about 5% of our life. The rest is controlled by the unconscious, by energetics, all of that. So the fastest way that I have found is through unconscious reprogramming, because I go in, and this is why it's so hard to explain exactly what I do on social media, because it's just like it's new.

Speaker 2: 11:12

I am an innovator and I've created this program that nobody else could create, because I've had three baby daddies, I've experienced all of these traumatic experiences and I've healed, right. So what I do is I've extracted the best pieces of my healing journey, which was nervous system regulation, unconscious reprogramming and the energetics piece okay, which was nervous system regulation, unconscious reprogramming and the energetics piece okay. And then I've combined it into this signature program where you literally, at first, just come in and listen to me and I'm updating your mind. It's like, basically, I just thought of this. It's like when your phone, if you have an Apple iPhone, it needs like a software update. That's basically what I'm doing. I'm going in and I'm updating your operating system and you're just listening.

Speaker 2: 11:59

You're not having to do anything. You're not having to like relive any of these experiences. Well, let me back up, just for I will ask for three seconds for you to think about the thing, but I do explain. Like, if it's too traumatic, don't do that one, do a different example. So there's no need to like relive, because we want these memories and these experiences in the past so that we can move forward, right. So why would we continue just talking about them all the time, like it makes no sense when you think about it that way, and I think I already kind of talked about this.

Speaker 2: 12:29

But my point number four was that this strengthens the pain pathways. So by revisiting this painful story over and over and over again, that keeps that pain pathway active and it makes it harder to release those memories or to reframe them in a way that feels less emotional. And fifth, it blocks healing. So by reliving and retelling the same narrative, the unconscious mind stays locked in that story. True healing requires accessing the deeper emotional root of the pain and allowing the unconscious mind to rewrite it, rather than reinforcing it through repetition. So that's another piece of it is in my Clean BDE program.

Speaker 2: 13:14

I have a whole. I have like six audios on emotional mastery and that is a blend of, you know, kind of resetting our emotions and also understanding memories, because it's crazy Like our memories are so faulty. Every time we recall a memory, small bits change and unless it's been like videotaped right, where you can't argue with it, it changes every single time we recall it. That doesn't mean that the pain isn't real, but you might be creating more pain for yourself, right? If your memory about it is changing and making it worse, then you're actually creating more pain for yourself. So in my Clean BDE actually it's in my Clean BDE program and my membership the emotional mastery piece, and so I actually teach you how to reprogram memories, which is a way faster way to heal than to like try affirmations or something right. You only have to do it about four to seven times, the technique I teach in there, and it will stick.

Speaker 2: 14:16

So to truly break free from all of this, we have to update our unconscious mind. We also have to have a level of emotional mastery and then we need to understand the energetics, because everything is either a creator field thing, which is your electromagnetic field around you, and it tells people how to treat you, tells your body how to function, all of that. It's either a creator field thing which is created by our thoughts, beliefs, emotions, all of that, or it's a soul contract thing. So that's where the energetics comes in, is I can look in for people and say, oh, this is a creator field thing or this is a sole contract thing, right? So what I want to share next is what happens after you update your unconscious mind, like how you will feel, right, I can only explain it as like a fog lifted, like one day after.

Speaker 2: 15:13

I think it was about three months of really deep, unconscious reprogramming work. I mean, I was going deep. You will feel a difference right away, but I was going deep, deep, deep and I had a lot of trauma to clear. One day I woke up and I remember this so clearly and I had gone from getting divorced and having to move out of my beautiful multi-million dollar home into a tiny two-bedroom apartment with my kids where I slept on a broken couch and they slept in the bedrooms. That's where I started my unconscious reprogramming work. I was able to move out of there within six months it's like six or seven months into literally across the street from my old house into a million dollar home, four bedroom, four bath, just me and my kids, and that's where I kept continuing the work.

Speaker 2: 16:02

At the time I was dating someone who was a really nice guy, so I did update my unconscious mind to not be a match for toxic people anymore. However, I still had some rewiring to do around people pleasing and all of that and relationship mastery, which I'm still working on. That's why I've been single for over a year. So I woke up one day and I was like I need to break up with him and it wasn't that he had done anything to me. He was a very nice guy, but I just realized there were so many places where I was hiding myself from him. Like we had totally different political views Not that that it does matter to me, just for different reasons than I'll get into here but we had different views on a lot of things and like, even when I tried to introduce him to a very beginner level of energetics, he rejected it and it was just like I don't know everything just felt like it was too hard all of a sudden, but like up until that moment I had felt like so in the relationship. But what I realized is I was hiding in it.

Speaker 2: 17:08

I'm very glad I went through that process because what it did is it showed me I could be happy again, I could feel and experience what you know I don't know if it was love, but you know what I mean like what that feels like again after I went through a traumatic divorce, and so I was very grateful that I had that. But I realized, you know, I was putting him ahead of myself and that was a pattern I had done way too many times and I was helping him with his own issues before my own, and I just I couldn't do it. I was just like no, I had to take this time to put myself first. So you will feel like a fog lift. That doesn't mean you're going to leave your relationship, but if it's a toxic relationship, you might want to right. It also gave me the confidence finally to chase my dreams.

Speaker 2: 17:59

So, around the same time, let's see I broke up with him, really focused on myself and my kids, and then, when my oldest was moving away to college, I was like I don't really need to be living in the city anymore. I could be saving money because I was still at a corporate job. I had tried many times to have my own business and just wasn't able to make enough, and so I got a corporate job. I hated it, but I worked from home, which was nice. So all of my money, though, was going to sustain this huge house right in this beautiful city. So, when I came out of this fog, I was like I don't need to do this, like I could be saving my money. I could be launching my own successful company, right, and so I did. I decided I'm gonna move home with my parents, which nobody wants to do and I'm going to go all in in my company. I did that. I quit my corporate job like the last few days of July, and by September I had a six-figure CFO firm. So that is something I was trying to do for literally five years.

Speaker 2: 19:08

My childhood programming was so against that it didn't feel safe. It did not feel safe for me to trust myself and opening my own business until I got the rewiring right. It's also made my connection with my kids so much stronger because I am no longer living in fight or flight, which means I'm not reacting. My son will have a total breakdown and I can sit there and just hold space for him and just give him a hug and tell him I love him. Where before, if one of my kids was screaming and crying, it made me on edge because I was in fight or flight. So, like listening to them scream and cry and the TV's on and the food's burning, I wanted to scream, right, and that's how a lot of moms feel, right, and that's how a lot of moms feel.

Speaker 2: 19:57

But it's because of the programming, it's because we're stuck in this fight or flight from past stories that are no longer happening, but our unconscious believes they are. So I wish I could scream this from the rooftops Like it's the most efficient fix ever. And if I could rewire and reprogram the traumatic events I've gone through, it's highly likely I won't say promise, but it's highly likely we'd be able to do that for you too. Right? So I I do this for people in my Clean BDE program. I get people right when they come in, out of fight or flight. I start updating their unconscious mind, clearing out all that childhood programming crap.

Speaker 2: 20:41

That's the last piece I'll touch on before I wrap up. Is there's a really funny clearing that I do for people around like Santa Claus and all these mythical creatures that it's like I would have never even thought about any of this if my unconscious mind didn't get updated. So, like I have a really big issue with Santa Claus, which sounds funny, but it's because the way that we as parents have used Santa Claus to manipulate and shame children right, so I don't do that with my son. I am guilty of doing that with my other kids before I knew better. But, like you know, if you've ever said Santa's watching you know or like anything, or you better be good, all of that kind of stuff, it's actually using shaming tactics to get our kids to act in a different way, and that is the opposite of connection.

Speaker 2: 21:34

I didn't understand that for a very long time. And now, because I have a son and obviously I'm not going to tell him like Santa's not real, because then he's going to go to school and tell kids and then everyone's going to get mad at me. But I am careful about what I say to him. I don't say like be good or no presents for you, or only good kids get rewarded. Because when we do that, when we shame our kids into compliance, we teach them that love and rewards are conditional, that love is based on their behavior, and that is not something that we should be doing to our kids. It's something that was done to most of us, so it's just we didn't know any better, right? But it introduces guilt and fear instead of using moments to build connection and understanding. We don't need to tell kids that Santa, the Easter, bunny, tooth, fairy, god, whoever is watching them at all times, judging them right. I mean, that's why I struggled for so long with being seen, because as a child, we're being told that we're being watched every second right by all these mythical creatures, it's like creepy. And instead they need us, their parents, to show up with unconditional love, guiding them through their emotions, which I wouldn't have been able to do if I hadn't become regulated, if I hadn't learned emotional mastery and all of that right. So the healing has to start with us, with parents. Then the kids will model what you're doing With my son.

Speaker 2: 23:09

We do something and I think I've talked about it on here called the superhero pause. So when he's feeling very emotional, I say superhero pause. I say what are you feeling? And he names the emotion I'm angry. Why? Because so and so didn't want to play with me. What can we do about it? It takes just a second to go through that. Yesterday and of course he is a little five-year-old boy he was like I hate the superhero pause, it's stupid. So I just sat there and I was like, okay, well, when you're ready to talk about it, let me know. And I just let him work out his emotions. And then he came over and sat in my lap and we talked about it. But I'm not going to threaten him with Santa or with any other mythical creature, because that does not create connection, right, and there's enough happening in this world, like our kids really, really need us. Didn't mean to go down that whole Santa rabbit hole, but hey, it is the holidays, so something to think about. Anyway, if you are needing help, I would be honored to help you.

Speaker 2: 24:14

I always recommend nervous system regulation first and the unconscious reprogramming. You can test that out in Rewiring Motherhood or the membership. The membership right now is only $77 a month. In January it went up to $99 because you have access to like over 40. It might even be close to 50, I don't know. I have to check audios on reprogramming, emotional mastery, energetics, all of that. But you also get a one-on-one check-in with me on telegram once a month where you can just ask me. I say it's roughly like 15 minutes because it's basically just like hey, can you check this for me? Or whatever.

Speaker 2: 24:51

If it's intuitive, an intuitive question, dark force issue and I didn't even talk touch on that today. That is the topic of well, not dark forces, but energetics is the topic of my membership this month, december 2024, I'm going to give some energetic protection. But if you want to learn more about like, because dark forces do have such a huge role in our thoughts and our emotions, so like, that is a piece that is a must to learn, or and to know how to protect yourself and, clear, to sustain emotional mastery, because otherwise, if you have one day where you're feeling angry, then you can become a match for, you know, energy that just isn't going to serve you, to put it nicely. So in Emotional Mastery, I'm going to touch a little bit on some protection pieces. This month I have a different course called Light it Up, where I go into more detail, so I'll link all of that in the show notes.

Speaker 2: 25:50

Clean BDE is where I do it all. So clean BDE you come in. I start with nervous system regulation, childhood programming, clearing, then we move into emotional mastery and energetics, so I do it all in there. There's a do it at your own speed program or you can purchase clean BDE with six weeks of coaching with me, which is like weekly telegram coaching. So a lot of different options, a lot of different price points for people to come in and test it out. So I hope that was helpful and I hope you have a wonderful holiday. I don't know that I'll record another podcast before Christmas, so for all of you who celebrate, merry Christmas.

Speaker 1: 26:46

Happy Holidays. Tag me when you share it with your friends. Every single review matters and it helps me reach more people who want to improve this world. If you leave a review, let me know and I'll send you a little thank you gift. Any resources mentioned in the show will be linked in the show notes. Sending you all love you.